What I'm Reading: Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow.
I have hesitated to publish this blogspot, because the church is extremely important, and I don't like the word "hate" in this book title. Hate is a strong word, but it's not an unknown word to the church. A quick search of the NIV bible shows that it's used 127 times in the Old and New Testament. I also don't want people to have an excuse not to be involved in their local church body.
But I guess if Murrow made the title, "Why Men Really Really Don't Like Going to Church", it might not have the same impact! So let's move on...
Jesus really, really likes the church. Actually, that's an understatement. And it's a mis-quote. Jesus LOVES the church. Jesus DIED for the church. The church is a living organism, and the church is the BRIDE of Christ.
But the title of the book is
not, "Why Men Hate the Church", but "Why Men Hate
Going to Church." (my emphasis).
It is important to separate the church body as the living organism from "doing church". We have developed a way to "do church" in the western world.
Doing church is following trends, chasing popularity and creating entertainment.
Doing church is doing harm to the body of Christ when it is not biblical. This book is about doing church, and mostly about the western church doing church the wrong way in the 20th and 21st century. Murrow's observations can help us identify and fix the problems. Read in context, I've found it a very helpful book.
Murrow uses an axiom throughout the book:
Your system is designed to give you the results you are getting.
His axiom builds on the theory that modern-day western church services and ministry are based on "soft-skills" and appeal more to women and the effeminate. So amongst other results, the church is getting low-level leadership and discipleship, and passive husbands and dads.
Murrow clarifies:
Men don’t hate God or Christ or the Bible or Christianity. They hate a system that’s perfectly designed to reach someone else. A system that makes them feel unneeded."... "As Albert Einstein once said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” (Loc. 369)
He says the problem stems from churches being timid, inwardly focused, amateurish and stuck in a system, and identifies three types of people who are missing:
- High-achieving men
- Young, single men
- Highly masculine men
Murrow goes on to address these three areas in detail in subsequent chapters.
Church meetings are inefficient, unproductive and focused on the wrong things. The highly motivated men who love Jesus, their Saviour and Lord, want to serve and be intentional in mission. Meetings don't achieve this. Even my own most recent local church survey demonstrated that people want something more - an application from the Sunday morning sermon and a common commission to "go and make disciples" each week.
Murrow also points the finger by contrasting meek, gentle Jesus with Jesus, the Lion of Judah:
When the Lion of Judah shows up in church, we do not recognize him. Instead, we condemn and declaw him. (Loc. 984)
Mid-way through his book, Murrow compares the dynamics of a young (start-up) church with an established church. It's a very clever comparison that demonstrates how and why men get so excited and engaged in church plants - because they can focus on using their gifting to get results; he describes a young church as an offensive church, and an established church as defensive. Men understand sports terminology and practise!
We could compare Murrow's thoughts with Thom Rainer's research in his fantastic report-style book,
Autopsy of a Deceased Church. In it, Rainer defines nine indicators of a dying church:
1. Living in the past with no desire to change;
Murrow: "Members no longer go to church anticipating a life-altering encounter with God. Instead, they come to see friends and to participate in a comforting ritual that’s changed little since childhood."
2. Those in the church are more concerned about protecting the way they do church than reaching residents of the community;
Murrow says, "as churches become established, parishioners begin to shift from a kingdom of God mentality to a family of God mentality. They stop thinking of the church in terms of its mission and begin seeing it as an association of people who love each other. Kingdoms are about doing; families are about being."
3. The church’s tendency to spend money on itself rather than outreach;
Eventually the church is no longer fishing for men. Instead, it’s creating a comfortable aquarium for the saints. Murrow, Loc. 1955.
4. The loss of vision for evangelism;
Murrow gives his own example of one church year:
That year our church conducted 104 regularly scheduled worship services, 7 special services, some
250 adult classes, 600 committee meetings, and 1,000 small-group
meetings and ran through a $750,000 budget to produce exactly 0 new
adult followers of Jesus Christ. (Loc. 759)
Thanks for being brutally honest Mr. Murrow. Sadly, Murrow's church is not alone - we also are not achieving our mission, and I'm guessing that neither is your church.
5. A church more concerned about their own preferences rather than thinking about others;
“I have been to
church services, and you have too, where the only people who knew the
songs were the band. I’m not edified. I’m just watching a show. And
they’re not interested in teaching me the songs either. They just sing
louder to make up for the fact that no one else is singing.” (Chuck Swindoll quoted by Murrow,
Loc. 1421)
6. A constant change as pastors come, try to change the church, are rejected, and then leave;
People who speak the truth too boldly are stifled because they might
hurt someone’s feelings. Leaders who make bold moves are accused of
being power hungry. (Murrow, Loc. 984)
7. A lack of prayer;
If you want men to pray aloud, make prayer sound like genuine communication. When you pray in a group, speak to Jesus as if he’s a real person who actually exists, one who understands modern English. Don’t repeat his name over and over. Cut the excess verbiage and vain repetitions of Christianese. (Murrow, Loc. 3284)
8. A church without a clear vision as to its reason for its being;
“Too many churches dream safe, easily attainable dreams. They don’t risk, they don’t require faith, they don’t need God in order to be accomplished.” Adam Hamilton quoted by Murrow (Loc. 3433)
9. The Church Obsessed over the Facilities
Murrow: "New churches are building dark, windowless auditoriums with lighting trusses and an elevated stage. Music pulsates from stacked speakers. Video cameras capture a rock show and project it back to us on big screens. Worship leaders dress exactly like their Christian music heroes. Even traditional churches are playing catch-up, by hanging projection systems in the sanctuary, and by investing in sophisticated sound and lighting gear." (Loc. 1350)
What
to do? Like a good sermon, a blogspot is no good without
application! Men - take the lead. Lead in your marriage, in your
family, and in your church. Get stuck into the Word of God and study
it, then teach it to others.
Murrow asks,
What
if we canceled the children’s ministry and put that effort into
building up the men of the church? I firmly believe that such an
approach would, in the long run, win more youth to Christ. It would also
save more marriages and produce happier women. (Loc. 3238).
Food for thought.
Why Men Hate Going to Church is a worthwhile read, but I don't agree with all his views - I'd recommend you read it yourself. As always, have your bible open and filter everything you read in light of God's Word.
References
Murrow, D., 2011, Why Men Hate Going to Church, Thomas Nelson, Nashville (Kindle eBook purchased 17/9/18 from https://www.amazon.com.au/Why-Men-Hate-Going-Church-ebook/dp/B005VHBQSM/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=why+men+hate+going+to+church&qid=1578102089&sr=8-1, $11.99 at time of blog going to press.)
Rainey, T., 2009, Autopsy of a Deceased Church, B&H Publishing Group, Nashville (Kindle eBook https://www.amazon.com.au/Autopsy-Deceased-Church-Yours-Alive-ebook/dp/B076HH6NS3/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?keywords=thom+rainey+autopsy&qid=1578110094&sr=8-1-fkmr1, $12.70 at time of blog going to press)
