Is discipleship parenting? I'm not asking, "Is parenting discipleship", because the clear answer to that is a loud and resounding "Yes!" Maybe I could ask the question more like this,
"Is discipleship akin to parenting?"There are some similarities between discipling and parenting when it comes to guiding and teaching, mentoring and coaching, correcting and rebuking, and being a friend who also has a position of God-given responsibility.
But does the discipling relationship include a level of authority akin to parenting?
I have previously talked about elements of discipleship in the 2016 Toward the Goal blogspot 04/06/2016: 5 Dimensions of Discipleship. A review of that blog might be helpful as we move forward with a discussion about the relationship between "discipler" and "disciplee". Note that the external links in the original blog have changed. Discipleship Dynamics is now at https://discipleshipdynamics.us/
Firstly, let's review the scriptural basis for biblical discipleship.
Recognise the inerrancy of God's Word and apply it as a guide-book to life:
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Tim. 3:16-17Pass on the mantle to others who will also pass it on:
And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others. 2 Tim. 2:2And remember that God treats us as His children!
My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent His rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those He loves, as a father the son he delights in. Pr. 3:11-12... so we see that love and discipline can have a positive relationship.
Focus on the Family has a discussion by Chip Ingram on the 4 parenting styles and Tim Lundy of Venture Christian Church in Los Gatos, CA has a slightly different version, but I'm going to apply these to discipleship generally.
I've made a graphical depiction of the 4 parenting styles below. Clearly, a low-love discipling relationship will not be productive regardless of the level of discipline, resulting in a neglective or an authoritarian relationship, and the best quadrant for parenting is the way that God loves and disciplines us - Authoritative (Note the difference with Authoritarian in which self esteem is crushed through low-love.) But what about permissive?
In parenting, a permissive (high love, low discipline) relationship does too much damage to the child. But does this apply in discipleship? Consider the risk of damage if there is lots of love but no accountability, and anything is permitted.
On the other hand, does a discipling relationship allow a level of discipline and accountability for both parties? Can we always ensure that a discipling relationship is authoritative? Can a discipler hold a disciplee to account in biblical discipline?
Let's add one more level of complication to this question by asking if the relationship can work both ways. That is, can discipling move beyond a "discipler/disciplee" relationship to a mutual discipling relationship?
I have deliberately posed more questions than answers in this blog because the reader needs to study this for him/herself as personal experience, application and study will add one's own perspective. Personally, however, I believe that there is a clear answer to the question, "Is discipleship akin to parenting?"
References and notes:
Discipleship Dynamics: 5 Dimensions, https://discipleshipdynamics.us/images/frame/infogrfx_535.jpg (5/2/2020)
Parenting styles: (https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/4-parenting-styles-and-effective-child-discipline/) (5/2/2020)
Lundy, Tim: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/
https://youtu.be/V1OudOk4IO0